THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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