:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
