And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
