I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize