Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
