the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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