she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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