Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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