He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
