guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
