coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
