You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
