Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
