Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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