mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
