saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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