is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
