Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just forgot I was standing up.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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