the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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