Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
