I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
