You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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