all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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