Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize