Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
