Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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