I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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