So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
