I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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