eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
