Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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