thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
