Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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