Just fell off a train. Bad.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
