# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
