What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize