I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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