She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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