I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
