My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
