Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
