Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize