My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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