if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
