I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
and eventually we just all took our pants off
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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