mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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