Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
