You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
