so that wasnt chicken after all
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
