I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
