Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
