I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
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