the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
