So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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