i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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