Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
