Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize