He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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