its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
