Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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