she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
