I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
