it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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