I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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