We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
