plz talk dirty to me
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
