I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
