wat bout pragnant strippers??
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
