So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
