you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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